Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's great music for shaving your balls
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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