The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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