We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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