So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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