...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
