Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's always time for handjobs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
