That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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