TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
