This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize