Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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