honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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