I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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