Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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