dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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