...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
