Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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