Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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