well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
