he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
