remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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