I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
