i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
