Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
