if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
