Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
did i walk over a car last night?
There r osticjed everywhere
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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