NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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