no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
