sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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