i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am one with the molecules
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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