Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
