party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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