Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
