Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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