I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
