WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
