I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
