Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
