My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
