dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
