I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
