I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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