when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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