Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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