Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
