i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
