where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
