omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
