btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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