Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
