there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
