Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
