she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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