Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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