CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i think my cat just said my name.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
