it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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