Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
