theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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