if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
