so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
