Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
