We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
