If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
