If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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