At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
