Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
