So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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