I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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