I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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