So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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