i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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