but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
